Finding and getting “friends” on Twitter, Myspace or Facebook is easy. Often it only takes an impersonal invite for someone to become your friend through social media. However as empty as the invite was, as empty will the online friendship be, if you don’t make an actual connection with the person.

Finding the right connection with people online can be difficult due to the high amount of data and information flying around. Your real “friendship invitation” might drown in a sea of information. In a recent blog post I touched this issue, “Interaction Good, Stalking Bad – How to Make First Contact”.

In order to make an actual connection with someone, both parties will need to “click”. There will need to be some kind of attraction between the parties, whether it’s business attraction, personal attraction or both. In this regards, it’s useful to keep in mind that deep down people crave the same things, which I’ve called A.S.S. (to grab your attention mostly). These are:

1. Acceptance

“Deep down even the most hardened criminal is starving for the same thing that motivates the innocent baby: Love and acceptance.” (Lily Fairchilde)

Everyone wants acceptance from someone. It can be anything really, but mostly people wants acceptance of who they are. In order to connect with someone you need to accept them for who they are. Allow them to be themselves and influence them positively through your own actions.

2. Seal of Approval

“Getting people to like you is merely the other side of liking them.” (Norman Vincent Peale)

I recently wrote a blog post on finding happiness through social media, where I suggested that you’d try paying two (genuine) compliments per day to someone in your social media network. No matter who you are it feels good to get approval.

Look at the actions of the person that you’re trying to connect with and find something to approve in these no matter the size of the action. The important thing is that it’s something that you genuinely approve of and that you keep at it. With each compliment you’ll let the other person know that you approve of their actions and your relationship will grow. On Twitter this could be something as simple as a “retweet” or a comment on something the person said.

3. Salute

“The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” (William James)

The third point is probably the most important when building a relationship through social media. Treat people as if they are valuable to you. Obviously they are valuable to you, otherwise you wouldn’t use all this energy to find a connection with them, but it might not be obvious to them. Let them know that they’re important to you. Thank them. Makes them feel special, that they are an individual and not just part of the mob.

On social media sites this latter point is easy, but it’s as easy to do wrong. Everyone needs an individual message just for them that basically says, “I salute you.”

Finally, I’d like to add that in order for you to get an actual connection with someone online, this someone obviously at some point needs to “give something back” to you. Even if it’s not your motivation, usually you’ll find that this will be the case anyhow. Whatever attracted you to the person in the first place will as a rule shine through at some point.

What about you? Have you found business relationship through social media that has blossomed into a profitable “friendship”?

Photo credit Stock.XCHNG

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